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- This book is a must-read for parents contemplating divorce, those already in the divorce process and those who have a parenting plan in place. It gives parents important insight into the issues and real needs of children. Shannon has very important knowledge and wisdom to share with parents. I will recommend this book to all my clients who are dealing with parenting plan issues.
- Albert V. Evans, Family Law Attorney since 1970
- This book is a key practical tool for parents when life is in crisis. It will help to ensure that our unresolved issues start healing and do not dim the possibility of a joyful and creative life for our children. I truly thank you for gifting this book to the world.
- Candice Bataille Popiel, coparent of a 7 and 8 year-old and co-author of Discovery of Glow
- Shannon Rios' personal experience, research, and professional expertise offer compassion and respect to divorced and separated parents. If parents read The Fatal 7 Mistakes and apply all the practical tips this book offers, they will get along better with their parenting partners, heal from their divorce faster and help their children come through the divorce with their self-esteem intact. This book will help ensure families achieve emotional health despite these life-changing events.
- Jody Johnston Pawel, author of the award-winning book The Parent's Toolshop: The Universal Blueprint for Building a Healthy Family
- Shannon comes from personal experience and from the heart in her deep desire to help children of divorcing parents. Parents - read this book! You CAN move through the divorce process without injuring your children!
- Margaret Paul, Ph.D., author/coauthor of "Healing Your Aloneness", Inner Bonding, "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?", and Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?.
- As a mother of a 7 yr. old, going through a divorce, my main concern is the well-being of my child. This book was a godsend! It has helped me be the best mom for my son, while going through this difficult process."
- Katy, mother of a 7 yr old.
This wonderful book should be required reading and writing for every divorced or never married parent. It also should be on the bookshelf of every mediator, counselor or attorney helping separated parents raise happier kids.
Dr. Shirley Thomas, Two Happy Homes: A Working Guide for Parents & Stepparents After Divorce and Remarriage and Parents are Forever: A Step-by-Step Guide to Becoming Successful Coparents After Divorce
Don't let the word Fatal in the title scare you, when you look inside, you will find Shannon Rios's book to be one of the best parenting after divorce books ever written. She has understanding, compassion, and an uncanny understanding of what children � and parents � need. I have seen many divorce books during the past 25 years, and while they are all helpful in varying degrees, if every parent could read Shannon's book, most of the problem suffered by children as an outcome of their parents' divorce would be substantially eased. This book should be required reading in all divorce classes."
David L. Levy, Esq., President, Board of Trustees, Children's Rights Council
For the divorced or separated parent who wants to raise emotionally safe and secure children: this book could be exactly what you are looking for. This book was easy to read, yet practically applicable, capable of bringing out the subtle actions and words that parents, hurting from their own divorce experience, may not realize are inadvertently hurting their children.
David Meggitt, Manager, Colorado Children's Program Betty Ford Institute
Parents of separation, divorce and conflict will find this book an invaluable and treasured guide�it's filled with heart-felt, sage, and practical advice. Shannon Rios shows parents how to ask themselves and their children questions that optimize healing and growth, even during times of conflict and difficulty. Children whose parents read this book will be lucky indeed!"--
- Marilee Adams, Ph.D. Author, Change Your Questions, Change Your Life: 10 Powerful Tools for Life and Work
Every so often someone comes along with the rare ability to see things differently and in doing so, changes our lives forever. Suddenly, issues that seemed so difficult to understand and actions that seemed too painful to take, begin to open up to an entirely new understanding that shifts our consciousness and heals our soul! It is this clarity of vision that Shannon Rios brings to her latest work. You owe it to yourself to read this powerful new book but more importantly, you owe it to your children.
- Jeffrey Alan Hall, Author Speaker Teacher, www.jeffreyalenhall.com, A Course in Miracles
Divorced and divorcing parents and their children, regardless of age, will see themselves in this book. They will also recognize the author knows how easy it is to be ensnared in the traps she describes and how difficult it is to avoid them. She provides many prompts for improving self-awareness and exercises to aid management of tendencies harmful to children. Those able to follow at least some of her suggestions should be richly rewarded by improvement in the health and happiness of their children as well themselves.
Bonnie W. Camp, MD, PhD, Professor Emeritus, Pediatrics and Psychiatry
University of Colorado School of Medicine
Do You Believe Children Are The Future of Our World?
We do and that is why we work with children. We work with children aged 4-17. We assist them with their challenges and empower them to live the best lives possible and grow into healthy and happy adults. We also work with the family to ensure children are supported in their healing. We can work with children with a variety of issues including anxiety, sadness, social challenges, adoption, foster children, and abuse.
Children of Separation, Divorce and Conflict:
We also focus in the area of divorce, conflict and children. Children report the single best thing that they did during the divorce process was see a counselor. If you know of any divorce situation where children are impacted, please contact us. Our goal is to empower families during this life transition. Our model is proactive, we believe that every child benefits from talking to a third party during this process irregardless of the level of conflict around the divorce.
Goals for Kids:
- Increase/maintain self-confidence
- Increase/maintain trust
- Develop/maintain self identity
- Increase emotional expression
- Increase/maintain physical and emotional health
- Foster strong and positive relationship with parents
- Ensure that children understand that this is a parent’s choice, with no fault of theirs (in the case of divorce)
- Assist kids in moving successfully across the bridge of life events ( in the case of divorce)
Goals for Adults:
- Assist parents in understanding their impact on their children
- Create strategies for effectively working with their children through this transition or challenge
- Help adults understand that it is necessary to put their children first during this process (in the case of divorce/conflict)
Goals for the Family:
- Provide family with strategies to best support the children during these life events.
- Bridge families through life events in the best interest of their children (in the case of divorce and conflict).
Strategies for Working with Children:
- Explore their current belief system
- Allow them to be aware of other options or alternatives
- Listen, learn, grow
- Allow kids to be kids during a major transition or challenge in their life
- Ensure that children realize this is not their fault (in case of divorce)
- In case of divorce, explore divorce and what that will mean for them; how it may impact them
- Allow children to share their fears (in a safe place)
- Assist children in processing this life transition or challenge
- Provide support to children to let them know that they are not alone and that someone understands what they are going through
One method we use when worker with younger children (4-11) is play therapy. However, we believe that play is very important for everyone ages 1-100. Play is used with children as a method to allow them to express themselves in a very familiar manner. Play is very effective for children due to the fact that they have not yet developed the verbal and cognitive ability to express themselves as adults can. Play is a child’s natural language. Toys, games and activities are used like words. Children are provided therapeutic toys to enable them to say with the toys what they have difficulty saying with words… dolls, puppets, paints or other toys are used to say what they think or how they feel.
Play therapy allows children the opportunity to work through, heal, and move past the difficult times in their lives. It does all this in the most efficient, effective, and child-focused manner available. So for most childhood problems play therapy is the most affordable way to help your child resolve their issues and best of all, not only does it work wonderfully, children love it!
Through Play Therapy children learn about themselves and their surroundings, their capabilities, their limitations, they learn new skills, learn how to handle anger and frustration, heal, work through difficult times, and increase their self-esteem and ability to communicate. Extensive research strongly supports the effectiveness of play therapy on most social, emotional, behavioral and educational problems. Some of these problems include depression, anger, ADHD, anxiety/fears, conduct disorders, abuse issues, aggression, post-traumatic stress disorders, low self-esteem, poor social skills, impulsivity, learning difficulties, divorce issues, coping skills issues, handling trauma, grief, divorce or many other childhood problems
Other Methods for Working With Children
We use a variety of cognitive behavioral, mindfulness, artistic, solution-focused and fun methods in working with children to allow them to understand and access their full and amazing potential so that they may grow into the healthiest adult possible.
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Be The Change
- Let all of us, in our own unique way, recommit ourselves to the
search for the pebbles of change that can be cast into the social
pond. Let us create a divorce process that recycles divorce
pain into new patterns of personal and familial growth which,
in turn, will also strengthen our entire society. Let us protect
our children from the unnecessary hazards of the divorce
experience so that they, like their parents, can be strengthened
by divorce rather than defeated by it. And let us never forget
that if the lights go out in our children’s eyes, be they children
of divorce or any other children, we will all live in darkness.
- —Meyer Elkin, Editor AFCC