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- This book is a must-read for parents contemplating divorce, those already in the divorce process and those who have a parenting plan in place. It gives parents important insight into the issues and real needs of children. Shannon has very important knowledge and wisdom to share with parents. I will recommend this book to all my clients who are dealing with parenting plan issues.
- Albert V. Evans, Family Law Attorney since 1970
- This book is a key practical tool for parents when life is in crisis. It will help to ensure that our unresolved issues start healing and do not dim the possibility of a joyful and creative life for our children. I truly thank you for gifting this book to the world.
- Candice Bataille Popiel, coparent of a 7 and 8 year-old and co-author of Discovery of Glow
- Shannon Rios' personal experience, research, and professional expertise offer compassion and respect to divorced and separated parents. If parents read The Fatal 7 Mistakes and apply all the practical tips this book offers, they will get along better with their parenting partners, heal from their divorce faster and help their children come through the divorce with their self-esteem intact. This book will help ensure families achieve emotional health despite these life-changing events.
- Jody Johnston Pawel, author of the award-winning book The Parent's Toolshop: The Universal Blueprint for Building a Healthy Family
- Shannon comes from personal experience and from the heart in her deep desire to help children of divorcing parents. Parents - read this book! You CAN move through the divorce process without injuring your children!
- Margaret Paul, Ph.D., author/coauthor of "Healing Your Aloneness", Inner Bonding, "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?", and Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?.
- As a mother of a 7 yr. old, going through a divorce, my main concern is the well-being of my child. This book was a godsend! It has helped me be the best mom for my son, while going through this difficult process."
- Katy, mother of a 7 yr old.
This wonderful book should be required reading and writing for every divorced or never married parent. It also should be on the bookshelf of every mediator, counselor or attorney helping separated parents raise happier kids.
Dr. Shirley Thomas, Two Happy Homes: A Working Guide for Parents & Stepparents After Divorce and Remarriage and Parents are Forever: A Step-by-Step Guide to Becoming Successful Coparents After Divorce
Don't let the word Fatal in the title scare you, when you look inside, you will find Shannon Rios's book to be one of the best parenting after divorce books ever written. She has understanding, compassion, and an uncanny understanding of what children � and parents � need. I have seen many divorce books during the past 25 years, and while they are all helpful in varying degrees, if every parent could read Shannon's book, most of the problem suffered by children as an outcome of their parents' divorce would be substantially eased. This book should be required reading in all divorce classes."
David L. Levy, Esq., President, Board of Trustees, Children's Rights Council
For the divorced or separated parent who wants to raise emotionally safe and secure children: this book could be exactly what you are looking for. This book was easy to read, yet practically applicable, capable of bringing out the subtle actions and words that parents, hurting from their own divorce experience, may not realize are inadvertently hurting their children.
David Meggitt, Manager, Colorado Children's Program Betty Ford Institute
Parents of separation, divorce and conflict will find this book an invaluable and treasured guide�it's filled with heart-felt, sage, and practical advice. Shannon Rios shows parents how to ask themselves and their children questions that optimize healing and growth, even during times of conflict and difficulty. Children whose parents read this book will be lucky indeed!"--
- Marilee Adams, Ph.D. Author, Change Your Questions, Change Your Life: 10 Powerful Tools for Life and Work
Every so often someone comes along with the rare ability to see things differently and in doing so, changes our lives forever. Suddenly, issues that seemed so difficult to understand and actions that seemed too painful to take, begin to open up to an entirely new understanding that shifts our consciousness and heals our soul! It is this clarity of vision that Shannon Rios brings to her latest work. You owe it to yourself to read this powerful new book but more importantly, you owe it to your children.
- Jeffrey Alan Hall, Author Speaker Teacher, www.jeffreyalenhall.com, A Course in Miracles
Divorced and divorcing parents and their children, regardless of age, will see themselves in this book. They will also recognize the author knows how easy it is to be ensnared in the traps she describes and how difficult it is to avoid them. She provides many prompts for improving self-awareness and exercises to aid management of tendencies harmful to children. Those able to follow at least some of her suggestions should be richly rewarded by improvement in the health and happiness of their children as well themselves.
Bonnie W. Camp, MD, PhD, Professor Emeritus, Pediatrics and Psychiatry
University of Colorado School of Medicine
How to Keep Your Children out of the Middle
November 7th, 2013
Along with producing many meditation CD/MP3’s, such as Meditations for Abundance and Love: Volume I Deserving and Volume II: Manifesting (available here at: http://bit.ly/meditat3), I have also written a best-selling book, The 7 Fatal Mistakes Divorced and Separated Parents Make: Strategies for Raising Healthy Children of Divorce and Conflict, available in print or PDF at inlovewithme.com/books, or on Kindle through Amazon at http://amzn.to/TIRGz4. Individual chapters are also for sale on http://inlovewithme.com/books/e-book-chapters.
Here is an excerpt:
Stuck In The Middle Of Parental Issues
My mom used to ask my sisters to remind our dad to pay the car insurance or his child support. What do you really think this does for your child? When you ask this of a child, it puts them in a terrible position. You are asking them to deal with the disparaging remarks the other parent makes about you when your child asks them for the money, the insurance payment, or any other adult issues. This literally creates a feeling of hurt and upset in children’s stomachs. This type of situation creates excessive anxiety that can lead to the physical manifestation of illness. Remember, this divorce was not the child’s fault. Children do not choose this situation, parents do. So please be responsible for your own choices, be an adult and handle your own issue with your former spouse. Your child should never be your intermediary. They love both of you. Pay a mediator, if you have to, don’t harm your child.
I used the word “stuck” in the past two headings for a reason. Children feel stuck or paralyzed when they are put in the middle of their parents’ divorce. This can have long-term effects. Growing up with parents in conflict, I was always worried I would make the wrong choice. I felt paralyzed as a child. It wasn’t until I traveled solo to Guatemala that I realized there really is no wrong choice. When children grow up in an environment of conflict and anger, they fear the repercussions of making a “wrong” choice. Your child also can feel so out of control, and may seek to control whatever they can in their life. Putting your child in the middle is a lose-lose situation for your child and you. It can lead them to feel helpless in their life.
Shannon R Rios MS is a successful Life Coach and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She coaches parents as a life coach through her life coaching business www.inlovewithme.com so that parents can move forward and create healthy lives and relationships with themselves, their children and others. She is also the founder of www.healthychildrenofdivorce.com
If you enjoyed this article, her best selling book on parenting after divorce and healing after divorce is The 7 Fatal Mistakes Divorced and Separated Parents Make: Strategies for Raising Healthy Children of Divorce and Conflict and can be found here: http://inlovewithme.com/books
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Be The Change
- Let all of us, in our own unique way, recommit ourselves to the
search for the pebbles of change that can be cast into the social
pond. Let us create a divorce process that recycles divorce
pain into new patterns of personal and familial growth which,
in turn, will also strengthen our entire society. Let us protect
our children from the unnecessary hazards of the divorce
experience so that they, like their parents, can be strengthened
by divorce rather than defeated by it. And let us never forget
that if the lights go out in our children’s eyes, be they children
of divorce or any other children, we will all live in darkness.
- —Meyer Elkin, Editor AFCC