How to Keep Your Children out of the Middle

Along with producing many meditation CD/MP3’s, such as Meditations for Abundance and Love: Volume I Deserving and Volume II: Manifesting (available here at: http://bit.ly/meditat3), I have also written a best-selling book, The 7 Fatal Mistakes Divorced and Separated Parents Make: Strategies for Raising Healthy Children of Divorce and Conflict,  available in print or PDF  at inlovewithme.com/books,  or on Kindle through Amazon at http://amzn.to/TIRGz4. Individual chapters are also for sale on http://inlovewithme.com/books/e-book-chapters.

Here is an excerpt:

Stuck In The Middle Of Parental Issues

My mom used to ask my sisters to remind our dad to pay the car insurance or his child support. What do you really think this does for your child? When you ask this of a child, it puts them in a terrible position. You are asking them to deal with the disparaging remarks the other parent makes about you when your child asks them for the money, the insurance payment, or any other adult issues. This literally creates a feeling of hurt and upset in children’s stomachs. This type of situation creates excessive anxiety that can lead to the physical manifestation of illness. Remember, this divorce was not the child’s fault. Children do not choose this situation, parents do. So please be responsible for your own choices, be an adult and handle your own issue with your former spouse. Your child should never be your intermediary. They love both of you. Pay a mediator, if you have to, don’t harm your child.

I used the word “stuck” in the past two headings for a reason. Children feel stuck or paralyzed when they are put in the middle of their parents’ divorce. This can have long-term effects. Growing up with parents in conflict, I was always worried I would make the wrong choice. I felt paralyzed as a child. It wasn’t until I traveled solo to Guatemala that I realized there really is no wrong choice. When children grow up in an environment of conflict and anger, they fear the repercussions of making a “wrong” choice. Your child also can feel so out of control, and may seek to control whatever they can in their life. Putting your child in the middle is a lose-lose situation for your child and you. It can lead them to feel helpless in their life.

Shannon R Rios MS is a successful Life Coach and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She coaches parents as a life coach through her life coaching business www.inlovewithme.com so that parents can move forward and create healthy lives and relationships with themselves, their children and others. She is also the founder of www.healthychildrenofdivorce.com

If you enjoyed this article, her best selling book on parenting after divorce and healing after divorce is The 7 Fatal Mistakes Divorced and Separated Parents Make: Strategies for Raising Healthy Children of Divorce and Conflict and can be found here: http://inlovewithme.com/books